ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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