Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
