you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
