I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
