You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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