if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
