You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
