is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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