it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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