I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
