2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
