areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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