420 ftw
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
