dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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