And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
