dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
