She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
