so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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