Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
