Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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