remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
