I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
