I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
