U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
