Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
