My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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