My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
