Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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