The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
