I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
