OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
