sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
