you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
