the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
