You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
