sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
