I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
