You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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