i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
