Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
