I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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