I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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