Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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