Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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