At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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