Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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