I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
