I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
