The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
