Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
