Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
